Dear St. Patrick family,
I want to thank you for your prayers and patience as I get closer to surgery for the stenosis in my lower back, which will be on August 29. I am especially grateful to our staff, deacons, Fr. Oz and Fr. Adam for their assistance and compassion. It is truly humbling for me to experience so many tangible signs of love and care. Thank you.
Since my last letter about the stenosis, my pain has slowly and progressively increased. I am grateful that there is an opportunity to surgically address the cause of the pain and a positive prognosis for the future. My heart and prayers truly go out to everyone who deals with chronic pain for which there may not be similar options. Every day I pray for you.
If you would bear with me, I’d like to share a couple brief reflections about this journey, so far. First, in some sense, I am trying to make “friends” with my pain. I do my best to mitigate the pain when I can, but I also realize that the pain is part of my ministry and life. As best I can, I choose to serve knowing that pain is part of that choice. For me, the highest value is not to be pain free, but to love. I don't think of this as so exceptional. I'm sure many of us make this choice daily as a good spouse or parent. It is the choice Jesus made in the Garden of Gethsemane: My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will. Whether done for those we love or offered as a sort of prayer for those in need, I believe our suffering is somehow joined to Christ's suffering and that it can be a simple and profound moment of encounter with Jesus, who is always with us.
This idea of offering, or oblation, kind of leads to my second reflection. Typically, presiding at mass is the most painful thing I currently do. I have always tried to pray Jesus’s words of consecration with a profound sense of speaking in the person of Christ and of His sacrifice. With my current pain, I have occasionally been graced to experience saying, “This is my body, which will be given up for you,” in a very personal and often emotional way. I have been struck by how unworthy my offering of my own suffering is in that moment, humbled that God accepts that offering, and overwhelmed by the love and mercy given to us through Jesus’s own gift of himself. That it is possible for me to make His words my words has brought me to tears.
Whew! After my surgery, I will be recovering for six weeks, which means I should be back by October 15. I am grateful to Fr. Adam, working with our staff, who will be responsible for the sacramental care and administration of St. Patrick and St. Boniface while I’m healing. I am also grateful for the increased help Fr. Oz and our deacons will give. Weekend preaching and presiding, emergencies, funerals, and other needs will all be covered. Thanks to everyone who is making this possible! We’ll keep you updated.
Please keep me in your prayers. Please know that you are in mine. God bless you!
Peace,
Fr. Jeff