“How long, O LORD? I cry for help
but you do not listen!”
I had a conversation years ago, long before I was ordained a priest, with a man who was explaining why he was an atheist. As a child, his mother had been extremely sick and he prayed to God for her to be healed. He prayed fervently, daily, with an innocent and pure belief that God could and would heal his mother. When she died, he concluded that either God couldn’t heal her (maybe God didn’t exist or maybe he wasn’t powerful enough to act) or God wouldn’t heal her (maybe God was indifferent or, worse, sadistic). In any case, the day she died was the day he stopped believing in God. It was the end of his faith.
His story raises significant questions for us about prayer, specifically about petition and, more specifically, about intercession. Although we may recognize that sometimes we ask for things we shouldn’t ask for and can look back with the prophet Garth Brooks and “thank God for unanswered prayers,” more often we are faced with disappointment, heartbreak, or pain when our prayer of intercession seems to go unheard or unanswered. We are left with profound questions. Does God hear us? Does he care? Do we lack faith? Do we need to pray harder? Ask more of the saints? Pray a particular devotion or novena? Have more people praying? Is there a right way to pray to get what we are asking for? Perhaps most profoundly, why? Why doesn’t God answer us? Why do we pray?
How I wish there was a simple answer!!! Even a simple answer I didn’t like would at least be satisfying (not to mention, it would let me give an authoritative and complete answer in this short article). Some of the prime contenders are: I didn’t have faith, it was God’s will, or everything happens for a reason. Is it possible that I didn’t trust God? Is it possible that it was God’s will? Is it possible that it happened for a reason? Well, yes, but that’s far from the whole story. Trusting God, having faith, is a surrender to our loving Father, walking with our Brother, and receiving the indwelling Spirit. It is a relationship of love and knowing God’s presence with us, even in suffering and death. One of the fullest expressions of faith is the lives of the martyrs. In addition, God’s will isn’t the only thing happening on earth or in our lives. Our will, natural forces, and evil all coexist with the inbreaking of God’s will. We pray, “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” God’s will perfectly exists in heaven, but not here. Likewise, not everything happens for a reason, or at least a good and noble reason. We can, however, shift directions. Even if there is no reason, or a bad reason, we with God can bring good from evil, give purpose to suffering, and effect change from challenge. We can take the bad and transform it for good.
So, it’s not so simple. Why do we pray? Prayer is our relationship with the profound mystery of the triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God has first drawn close to us and our prayer is our response to his love and grace. We place our trust in him, share our hearts with him, tell him our needs, and ask for his intervention. We thank him, adore him, contemplate him, praise him. From a place of humility, we give our whole selves to him and God gives us himself. God’s first answer to our prayer is himself. God’s final answer to our prayer is himself. God doesn’t always give us specifically what we ask for, but he always gives us himself. In the end, perhaps, we can pray with St. Ignatius, “You have given all to me. To you, Lord, I return it. Everything is yours; do with it what you will. Give me only your love and your grace, that is enough for me.”